A Funeral for My Fat by Sharee Samuels

Author:Sharee Samuels
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Skyhorse Publishing
Published: 2016-04-07T04:00:00+00:00

9

Where Are the Rainbows and Unicorns?

I took one last deep breath and signaled to the class to slowly exhale. “Thank you, guys, for coming and have a great rest of your week if I don’t see you tomorrow for Zumba!” I smiled to the class as I sent them out. The participants filed out of the room and I began to clean up and turn off the sound equipment. Typically, I feel unbelievable after teaching my favorite strength class. But today I felt so blah. I felt bloated, tired, and gigantic. My instructor shirt felt clingy and my arms looked puffy and toneless. I didn’t even want to smile because my cheeks looked big and blotchy. “Just one of those days …” I groaned to myself as I grabbed my gym bag and began to make my way to the parking lot.

I said hi to a few people as I left the gym and decided that maybe a fresh fruit smoothie from the student café would make me feel better. I ordered the pineapple and coconut smoothie (one of my favorite combinations) and waited patiently to devour it. The girl working was a regular at my fitness classes and she quickly struck up a conversation with me. I put on my best fake smile while we talked and laughed as she made my smoothie. When it was ready, I thanked her and walked back to my car. I took one sip of my smoothie and threw it into the next garbage can I passed. It tasted great … but it wasn’t what I wanted. The tears began to well up in my eyes as I got inside my car. “Why do I feel like this?!” I began to cry to myself. “I work too hard to feel this bad about myself!”

The tears continued as I sat in my car. I pulled out my cell phone to call Dre. When he answered his phone the tears really began to pour. “What’s wrong?” he gasped, with a lot of worry in his voice. “Are you okay?” he quickly asked. I assured him that I was okay, but that I was just having a really bad body day. I felt so stagnant with my weight loss and fitness, and I felt that I wasn’t making any improvements with my body. I felt fat and uncomfortable with myself. Dre took a deep breath and then continued to try to soothe me, reassuring me that I was gorgeous and reminding me of how far I had come and how many people looked up to me because of what I had accomplished.

I knew he was right. But this made me feel even worse that I was so upset, and for no apparent reason apart from feeling “blah” about my body and myself. I hated it. I hated feeling that way! There I was with an amazing weight-loss story and a blog that continued to inspire hundreds of thousands of people daily. I was a fitness instructor who would encourage people every day, and I couldn’t keep my own bad attitude at bay.

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